An Abiding Sense of Wrongness

Here are some completely disconnected stories.

For the last few weeks, those of us on this blog have been involved in a conversation with a bunch of other Presbyterians.  That conversation centers around what I can only categorize as a deep and abiding sense of wrongness.  No matter where we fall in the discussion, we're involved in it because of a deep sense that the Church - and the world that the Church finds itself in - is just not right.

Whether we get that sense from falling attendance numbers, lower giving, loss of status, or the church's perceived inability to cause significant change in creation doesn't really matter - we get this deep and abiding sense that things just are not the way they're supposed to be.

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Lots more people got laid off this week (not at my office, but in lots of other offices.)  The week before Christmas, people are suddenly reminded of how much their daily lives revolve around our economy (whether we like it or not - it's true.)

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This morning, we (my coworkers and I) got a phone call that a colleague's father passed away unexpectedly last Thursday.  They found him laying on the floor of his apartment last night.  The weekend before Christmas finds the family hurrying to be together a little sooner than they expected - and for an entirely different reason.

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Here's the transcript (only slightly exaggerated for effect) of an IM conversation between Matt and I yesterday (note that both Matt and I are off work all week next week, to celebrate Christmas with our friends and family):

Matt: SO CLOSE!!!!
Jared: ?
Matt: Next week is close.

The next morning.....

Matt: tick tock watchin' the clockJared: hehe

A few hours later....

Jared: arrrrrrrrrrgh
Matt: What's up?
Jared: I hate this almost being on vacation.
Jared: But I guess that's what Advent is for.

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I will spend Saturday afternoon cooking for friends and family who will gather Sunday night at my house.  It started out a small affair, and quickly gained a head of steam.  More than 20 people will likely show up.  We're gathering to go hear, see, and experience Handel's Messiah, and then eat pot roast.

In Messiah, we will hear and experience the story of God's people as they encounter a deep and abiding sense of wrongness:

Comfort ye, comfort ye My people, saith your God; speak ye comfortably to Jerusalem; and cry unto her, that her warfare is accomplished, that her iniquity is pardoned. The voice of him that crieth in the wilderness: Prepare ye the way of the Lord: make straight in the desert a
highway for our God.

We will be reminded that God is at work in our world - in that same place where we have this deep and abiding sense of wrongness:

Every valley shall be exalted, and every mountain and hill made low, the crooked straight and the rough places plain.

We will be reminded of God's ultimate, sovereign plan for creation:

...the Lord shall rise upon thee, and His glory
shall be seen upon thee, and the Gentiles shall come to thy light, and kings to
the brightness of thy rising.

We will hear about the way God worked his will through Jesus:

For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given, and the government shall be upon His shoulder; and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counsellor, The Mighty God, The Everlasting Father, The Prince of Peace.

And we will be reminded that God's re-creating work is meant for us, here and now, in the same way that it was meant for God's people in the past:

The people that walked in darkness have seen a great light; and they
that dwell in the land of the shadow of death, upon them hath the light shined.

And we will praise that God:

Hallelujah: for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth. The kingdom of this world has become the kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ; and He shall reign for ever and ever. King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. Hallelujah!

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It feels good to be on vacation for a few days - to have time to spend with family and friends in celebration and remembrance.

We've started hearing from the folks that were laid off at the office recently.  They're busy setting up - and going on - interviews.  At least one of them is hopeful that this could all end up well for him - sooner rather than later.  And he has been busy about wishing us all the best, too.

Tonight, we took dinner for an army over to the condo of our colleague's mother - where the family would gather to grieve the passing of their father, husband, grandfather, and friend.  We arrived to the welcoming arms of our friend and her mother.  We took out the food and set the table.  We were there as the family gathered from places near and far.  We were there as they shed some tears.  We heard some of their stories and even laughed a little with them. 

Tonight, I am frustrated with our inability to see the future.

Tonight, I am no more enlightened on how our denomination will move forward.  I don't know if we will live or die on our traditions, on our uniqueness, on our ability (or inability) to continually reform, or on the ability of our Tall Steeple Pastors to lead.

Tonight, the abiding sense of wrongness is no less present.

But...

Tonight, I am grateful for the cloud of witnesses that has gone before us - a cloud that has seen much more difficult days than these.

Tonight, I am grateful that Jesus is coming - that he is being born that God might resurrect and re-create - again and again and again and again.

Tonight, I am grateful that the fate of the Church of Jesus Christ lies not in the hands of a perfectly equal representational institution, nor in the hands of an authoritative establishment.  I am grateful that the fate of the church lies in the hands of Jesus Christ - the one who came into the world, and who continues to come, over and over and over.

Tonight, in all of my uncertainty about my future, about our future, about our denomination's future, my heart sings those words:

Hallelujah: for the Lord God Omnipotent reigneth. The kingdom of this world has become the kingdom of our Lord, and of His Christ; and He shall reign for ever and ever. King of Kings, and Lord of Lords. Hallelujah!

Tonight, I am grateful for the lesson of waiting.

Blessing and honor, glory and power, be unto Him that sits upon the throne, and unto the Lamb, for ever and ever.